Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
