he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
