its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
