yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
