this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
