Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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