My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
