I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
