if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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