We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
