You don't have asthma, your pregnant
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
