they need to just BURY HIM!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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