And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
