Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
