omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
