Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
