i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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