Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
