I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize