We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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