she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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