I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
