i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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