Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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