You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
