I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
