you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
