I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
