i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i believe in u and ur pee
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