Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
