How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
