Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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