he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
