Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
