I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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