I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
