in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
