Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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