i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
