I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
