Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
