good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
