Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
