I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize