There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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