alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
