I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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