I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My pussy is not your playground.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
