Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
