apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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