this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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