My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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