I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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