New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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