this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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