the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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