I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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