"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
