She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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