You're completely useless in the revolution.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
