omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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