Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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