Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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