my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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