You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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