...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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