She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
