having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
